Little helpers in giving up bad habits

When I lived in Connecticut, I used to babysit for one of my coworkers – she had these awesome spunky girls, and I loved spending time with them.

One day, we were in the car, and the youngest of the two asked me “Why do you twirl your hair like that?” She observed me twisting my hair around my middle finger while we were at a stop light. (Side note: twenty years later when I was diagnosed with ADHD, I found out this was a common behavior for people like me.)

Winding my brain

I laughed and told her that my dad used to tell me that I was winding my brain. I had done it as long as I could remember, especially on long car rides or when I was lost in a good book. I finished with “honestly, it’s just a bad habit.”

She was watching me like a hawk from then on. Any time she observed my hand drifting up to start twirling my hair or if I was able to start doing it without her noticing, she would yell at the top of her little lungs, “BAD HABIT!” Then, she would laugh as I sheepishly dropped my adult hand out of my hair and back to the steering wheel while shooting her a chastised smirk in the rearview mirror.

Her big sister got in on the action after a couple of rounds of this, so now I had two eagle eyes keeping me very aware of my bad habit by pointing it out whenever I absent mindedly reached to wind my brain.

BAD HABIT!

It jolted me back to the present and had me focus on them and whatever we were doing at the time.

BAD HABIT!

I started to hear their little voices in my head even when they weren’t around when I found myself with my hand in my hair.

BAD HABIT!

Twenty years later, if I realize that I am twisting away, I hear the two of them, yelling with glee at having busted the adult doing something they shouldn’t.

Honestly, I wish I had them around now to help me stay accountable for the “bad habits” I want to drop.

This year, when I was thinking about what to give up for Lent, I knew it needed to be more significant than hair twirling (which I don’t do nearly enough anymore to be bothersome). When I asked Diana what I should give up, without blinking, she said swearing.

After getting over my initial embarrassment at having my own child call me out on this bad habit, I realized she was right. I had gotten pretty sloppy with letting some colorful language fly, even when it wasn’t really called for.

Do I feel lame saying “what the heck”, instead of what I really want to say?

Yes.

Do I feel like there’s something missing when I say “Good grief” instead of something stronger?

Of course.

Do I feel a little silly praying for God to help me with my character defect of swearing?

Totally.

Do I think she has noticed?

Not at all.

But that’s not the point, truly. Giving up something for Lent is not about anyone noticing. It’s getting in the practice of NOT doing something bad for me and/or my spirit. I actually like who I am better when I am my language is softer, and I feel like I am setting a better example for Diana even if it doesn’t register on the surface.

I tell you what, though – when I slip, my kid has the same attention as those girls did all those years ago. Then, it’s “Mom, LANGUAGE,” complete with a big eye roll or disappointed glare. Having her call me out is as effective as “BAD HABIT!”, and even when she’s not around, I find ways to correct myself.

There’s a few more weeks left in Lent, which means I have time to keep working on this bad habit and hopefully get it to stick. (And yes, I know, I can do this anytime of the year even when it’s not Lent, but first things, first.)

In the meantime, you have full permission to call me out – I promise only to flinch a little when I hear you yell “BAD HABIT!” or “Jeannine, LANGUAGE!” Those little helpers are very effective for me to give up my bad habits.