I would have missed it.

Today is my dad’s birthday – the first one since he passed away just over a month ago. I wasn’t sure what today would bring, emotionally, but I figured it probably wasn’t a good idea to be alone. Diana left yesterday to go spend the week with her dad, and I wanted to be with people that love my dad like I do. So, I went to visit my family in Georgia.

Anyone that knew my dad knew that church was very important to him. He was faithful about attending, even when we didn't really want to go- maybe especially when we didn't want to go. On his birthday, I thought it would be a good way to feel connected to him. My stepsister and I texted during the week and decided that we would all try to go – I even packed a dress to wear so I couldn't use that as an excuse to bail.

But I was scared. I didn’t want to be the girl that cried in a church I had never been to before. I have been “that girl” before and felt so embarrassed. I didn’t want to set myself up for that to happen again.

Eventually, I decided that it was more important to honor my dad by going than to spend time and energy worrying about crying – plus, I wanted to support my family in getting back to church again. We decided that it would be easier to go again once we got the “first time” out of the way.

Just in case, I packed my purse with tissues, and we sat near the back. (I wanted to be able to make a quick exit if needed.)

Then, the service started, and you know what?

It was lovely.

The music was really good – there were two people on the praise team that had just beautiful voices. The message today was EXACTLY what we had been talking about the night before – about finding ways to be of service and use the time we have to make a positive impact on others, about believing the impossible is possible and about believing in grace and truth. Halfway through the sermon, I finally grabbed a pen and started taking notes on the back of the prayer card because there were so many things I wanted to remember this week.

I had built it up in my head (as I often do) that it might be too hard, too emotional, too (fill in the blank here with whatever negative feeling you can name). Instead, it was actually really good to go and be there together, hearing music and a message that connected. It did end up being a way to honor and connect with my dad and with each other.

If I had let my fear take over, I would have missed it - so, for today, I am grateful that I leaned away from fear and more towards focusing on what was important. I hope I remember next time fear rears it's ugly head again, too.